Email me.

lamehobo@gmail.com



Quotes.

"I'm not afraid to speak out, and say things that I want to do, or do the things that I want to do, so um, I think in the end, being natural, and being, being actually genuine is what wins." - Freddie Mercury.

"All the forces in the world are not so powerful as an idea whose time has come." - Victor Hugo.

“More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion.” - Harvey Milk.

"Silence never won rights. They are not handed down from above; they are forced by pressures from below." - Roger Baldwin.

My thoughts during New Moon.
Holy mother of God. I can't believe I saw this sad excuse for a vampire and werewolf film.

It was terrible. The only person I feel sorry for is Michael Sheen because he still remains to be awesome.

During the film, I decided to have a running commentary that I was whispering to my friends as to not upset any twitards in the theatre because they would probably find a way to rip my soul out.

Here are some of the things I said/ thought while I was being tortured:
  • Almost every time that Edward was near Bella I would turn and be like "OM NOM NOM." This was escalated in the scene when E & B were in the forest, "Wait for it... He's gonna eat her... wait for it... OM NOM NOM!"
  • Every time they kissed I would make sucking noises because they actually made worse ones; seriously, it sounded like they were having sex.
  • Every time Edward was at Bella's house or in her room I would escalate from: "Creepy" to "This is still fucking creepy."
  • Every time Jacob had his shirt on I would say: "Take it off! You don't have anything else to offer."
  • Thought: Just because you are a vampire doesn't mean you can stop acting... Oh wait, you can't act... Never mind
  • Thought: This humor is as dry as the middle of Australia or the Sahara desert.
  • The whole time Bella either looked constipated or she had her period. An extremely heavy and painful one. Although, once she looked spaced-out and stoned.
  • Bella has turned into a schizophrenic.
  • Robert Pattinson does not look good shirtless and has funny nipples.
  • In one of the opening shots when Edward is walking from his car in slow motion all I could think was "Oh my fucking god... What have I gotten myself into?"
  • Every time Michael Sheen was on the screen, I would slap my friend sitting next to me and say "OH MY GOD! IT'S MICHAEL SHEEN!"
  • They continued to tell us stuff through short clips which was irritating because anyone who has seen the first is most likely here. We're not idiots you stupid filmmakers... Oh wait, It's part of the Twilight Saga... Never mind.
  • Throughout the entire film I was also annoying my friends which were beside and in front of me. I was that bored.
My only favourite bit was when the credits started to roll... And possibly when Michael Sheen was on screen... Twas such a relief when it ended. You have no idea. Unless you've seen it of coarse.

Verdict: 1.5/5 stars. This dry and cliche film is nothing but the ruins of original and awesome fantasy creatures. Meyer has ruined fantasy for the coming generations.

If you want good films to see, I recommend Where the Wild Things Are and Zombieland. They both earn their 4/5 stars. WTWTA seems to find that inner-child of yours and make it roam with pure and wild joy. Zombieland would have to be the funniest zombie film ever; it blanaces between being scary and being funny quite nicely.

TEAM LUPIN FTW!

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

posted by LameHobo at Friday, December 04, 2009

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home